From Jester to Queen: Letting Go of Old Identities and Accepting New Roles

I’m giving a TEDx talk this week. And for anyone rolling their eyes at the little “x”—yes, it’s still a big fucking deal. TEDx is about ideas worth spreading, and this week I get to share mine. Cue nerves. Cue pressure. Cue the decades of personal excavation leading up to this exact moment.

But here’s the truth no one tells you about hitting a milestone: the external moment is rarely the main event. The real ceremony happens within.

The Real Work is the Inner Work

Since quitting drinking in 2018, I’ve moved through version after version of myself, each one peeling back another layer. I’ve had breakthroughs that felt like arrivals, only to find I was still in transit. Over and over again, I’d reach what I thought was the top of the mountain only to realize it was a landing, not a summit.

What I didn’t realize until recently was that I was still dragging old identities along with me, mainly, the “jester” version of myself. The one who keeps things light. Who self-deprecates before anyone else gets the chance. Who still, even now, double-checks her right to take up space.

But you don’t get to keep asking for permission and claim mastery at the same time. You’re either in the role of jester or you step into the crown. And no one hands you that crown—you have to choose it.

Becoming the Thing You Already Are

For me, the biggest lesson of this season has been integration. I’m a comedian, sure. But I’m also a leader. A creator. A woman with hard-earned wisdom and something to say. I had to let go of the belief that my humor disqualified me from being taken seriously.

Maybe you’re walking a similar edge—trying to figure out how to bring your full self to the table without editing it down to something more digestible.

So here’s the question I’m sitting with, and maybe you are too: What parts of you are ready to graduate? What identities, roles, or beliefs have run their course? What are you ready to own without apology?

Put It at Your Feet

My coach, Toby Gadsden, offered me something I’ll never forget: When you're facing something big, don’t bow to it—put it at your feet. Let it be your platform.

Fear, imposter syndrome, pressure, excitement—it all belongs. But none of it gets to run the show. Those emotions are data, not destiny.

This is your reminder that you’re allowed to stand tall inside your own life. Not because everything’s figured out, but because you’ve decided to stop waiting for outside validation.

The Lightning Method

In my TEDx talk, I introduce something called The Lightning Method. It’s a four-part approach for getting unstuck—and no, it’s not about hustle or having a five-year plan. It’s about shifting your beliefs, choosing your energy, and moving with intention.

Because clarity isn’t a personality trait. It’s a practice. One rooted in how you see yourself and what you believe you deserve.

Let Fun Be the Fuel

If there’s one truth I want to tattoo across your summer, it’s this: Healing should feel like a homecoming, not a punishment.

Joy isn’t a detour—it’s the route. The parts of you that feel playful, weird, lit up? That’s your power source. So give yourself permission to be expansive. To laugh loudly. To take up space without justification.

Your Turn

Here’s your invitation: Reflect on what you’re graduating from—and what you’re stepping into. Journal on it. Dance it out. Say it out loud to someone you trust.

And when the talk drops on YouTube (just search “Rachel LaForce TEDx”), I hope it reminds you that your truth is worth the mic.

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Until next time: tune out. tune in. Love you, mean it.